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It is human nature to long for closeness and acceptance from others.This closeness comes about by revealing oneself to others in ways that convey openness. But to be fully known can feel risky. Perhaps there is shame of the need for closeness or fear of rejection if needs were to be expressed. If one’s self worth is in question, it’s more difficult to ask for what is needed from others. If one is wary of taking interpersonal risks or has difficulty tolerating disappointment if needs go unmet, it is more likely to keep emotionally, if not physically, separate from others.
Much unhappiness and symptoms such as depression and anxiety can be attributed to conflicts over longing for relatedness and shame and guilt over one’s own self worth. Is the “self” worthy of being known or will openness bring painful rejection or ridicule, perhaps as much as experienced in the painful past. As a result of these doubts and fears, people weave protective webs around their hearts. Yet this protection damages the quality of relationships with friends and family. In more extreme forms, guardedness can lead to feelings of emptiness, anxiety, social isolation, hopelessness and despair. Conflict over feelings and needs can also result in self destructive and unproductive behaviors.It is often this kind of suffering that motivates people to seek help from a therapist. Being able to talk openly with someone can be liberating. Yet, we all have our own ways of hiding from ourselves let alone from others. Even in individual therapy, as one reveals more of one's self over time to the therapist, subtle, self-defeating personality trends can go unnoticed.
Group therapy provides a safe place to explore one’s own inner world and one’s interpersonal relationships. In contrast to individual therapy, more aspects of one’s personality can become apparent. Some people benefit from the combination of individual therapy and being a member of a group. The two are not mutually exclusive, and can be a powerful approach to personal growth. Groups provide what I call “multiple mirrors.” While group members become trusted partners in mutual exploration, they can also come to represent the “unfinished business” of one’s family experience as hurts and disappointments become projected onto them. It is through the interaction with others that a greater range of feelings and tensions rise to the surface. As one becomes more aware of one’s own thoughts and feelings and finds that the “sky doesn’t fall in” when they share them with the group, it becomes safer to express them. That is one aspect of the “multiple mirror.” People are also encouraged to give feedback to one another about how their behavior is viewed and the impact it has on others. This is the second aspect of the “multiple mirror.” This feedback allows for clearer self perception, and the opportunity to work through difficulties that interfere with more satisfying relationships and personal peace of mind.
Group members are encouraged to talk openly and honestly with one another. People are expected to take their equal share of time talking to the group about what is going on with them as well as listening to others and offering feedback. Ultimately, the most intimate and productive conversations are those about experiences in the group; feelings, thoughts and reactions the group members are having toward one another and toward the therapist. The process of being in the present moment with others provides for the richest opportunity for emotional development. The opportunity to engage in conflict and disagreements with others without having to retreat into isolation, the opportunity to express warmth and caring toward others without shame and guilt and the sharing of dreams and impressions about others provides a powerful space to grow, develop resilience and courage. It is through this focus on “process” that group members learn to have progressive emotional communication. This creates the opportunity to learn new skills in being with others, and reduces the need for emotional hiding, vague communication and retreat from rewarding relationships. The fruit of all this hard labor is a life of more energy and vitality and less anxiety and fear.
All groups go through certain phases of development, from waiting for the leader to do something to make their life in the group more comfortable, to questioning the value of the group or the wisdom of the leader and wondering if there are enough resources to go around. Ultimately, while maintaining their individuality, members learn to act as a whole with the shared task of helping each other deal with their difficulties in relating to others.
Whether you are a new member to an established group, or a charter member of a new group, it is normal to experience anxiety about fitting in. Members may disagree or overreact to one another. This is also normal and to be expected. People want to put their best foot forward. But in the group you are encouraged to share what you are really thinking and feeling even if it may be controversial or uncomfortable. It is through this open honesty that both the group and the individual emotionally progress. Being in a group can create what is called “regression” and leave you feeling stirred up. Although this might sound scary, it is normal. This regression, i.e., allowing the less mature parts of the self to be known, allows for the eventual maturation and emotional growth of the individual. We all experience anxiety at times in different situations. Some people’s response to anxiety is to get tense and withdraw. In the group, people are encouraged to express their anxiety or fear and still talk about what they are experiencing. This creates the feeling of safety and acceptance that allows a person to more fully explore why they are anxious. The goal of group therapy, like that of individual therapy, is to resolve personal problems and interpersonal difficulties. The more you put into it, the more you will receive. At times, the work in the group is difficult, other times it can be joyful as people continue to make deepening contact with one another in their pursuit of personal growth.
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